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Past | Future

There are no answers, only choices.

*sidles back onto LJ*

2013 was a bit of a write off I'm afraid. I was deeply unwell. I'm not going to go into into it or over it in terms of what happened, but the outcomes are interesting and not a bad thing. I'm more realistic, more pragmatic, I don't think everything happens for a reason anymore, my philosophical/spiritual beliefs have shifted quite a bit which rocked my world at first and took me a while to come to terms with, but I'm now in a framework which is working for me. I had a profound experience while watching a specific sci-fi film during this exisential crisis - which sounds ridiculously pretentious but is true. - which helped me sort my head out. A prize (virtual hug) for anyone who can guess which film *points at entry title*.I think I've grown up a lot and gained quite a lot of wisdom. For a while I was worried I was going to become cynical and jaded because of the above, but that simply hasn't happened and I've learned that not everything has to be extremes, it's more a continuum - I'd still class myself as an optimist, but it's just tempered by a bit more of a sense of reality now. Not an easy year - probably the hardest I've had in my 35 years on the planet. But we move forwards, and life is fundamentally beautiful, yeah?

The last thing of substance I posted was part 1 of my meta for The Name of the Doctor, Part 2 remains half done and I've not even re-watched the 50th and the Xmas special on a meta-level yet, and I may not do at all. My google drive is full of half done fics. The only thing I really wrote last year was a Spock/Kirk after watching Into Darkness, which I may post here if flist is interested. I have been feeling quite inspired by Loki/Thor (cos yum), but the only output from that so far is a gradually growing file of gifs and stills on my hard drive. Any other Thor/Loki fans on my flist? Maybe what I need to do is reread all those dusty neglected River/11 fics and get my mojo back that way.

Creativity is not altogether gone though! I got a decent acoustic guitar at last (a nice fender electro-acoustic), and I've been writing songs which has been fab. I've also been doing a lot of textile crafts, it's just words that seem to escape me (apart from lyrics) for the time being. Immersion back in fandom will help, I'm sure. I also damn sure I've missed a heap of magical fic and meta, so feel free to throw recs my way.

I also went on a fab trip wild camping and wild swimming round Scotland last summer, which was therapeutic. I didn't go away enough though in 2013, so I'm hoping this year I'll get away in the camper a lot more.

I'm not making this entry private as I usually do when it's personal, because I'm hoping that arwen_elen may read it - please let me know you're okay even if it's just a smiley thrown my way...I'm worried.

So, just basically to say I am back and here, and a bit different, but not in a bad way. Nice to meet you all again.


Love Wins:


( 20 comments — speak to me, sweetie )
Jan. 26th, 2014 12:41 pm (UTC)
I love you, honey.

I'm so sorry you had to go through such a rough time, but I'm so happy that you got something positive out of it. That you feel like you have grown - and yet kept your sense of self. That's the key, right there.

And trust me, a lot of people have found the simpliest and most ground inspirations through fiction or art. A new way of thinking and being that changes our outlook.

I'm so glad to have you back, lovie! I definitely look forward to any and all fic you produce. Until then, enjoy your music, take that camper out and have fun - and know we are all pulling for you!

*hugs you hard*
Jan. 26th, 2014 07:55 pm (UTC)
Aw, love you too sweetie.

Yeah, it took me awhle to be able to pull out the positives from it, but im there now, and it feels really good to be able to do it!

Thank you for being there for me and sticking by me. It means so much to me sweetie, it really does <3
Jan. 26th, 2014 08:06 pm (UTC)
Always, bb. ALWAYS. Trust me on that...

Jan. 26th, 2014 04:48 pm (UTC)
Life is beautiful, indeed!<3
Hello again! And welcome back! :)
It's great when you come on top after your life and perspective shifts, isn't it? I'm, sort of, in a similar point, too (also almost 35, too :))) I'm always happy when I hear about people discovering themselves and growing comfortable into their own skins ;)
Sci-fi is fabulous! For me, it's because, underneath all the shiny, new tech, it's fundamentally about journey inside the soul!

I haven't been in touch with the DW fandom, to be honest, so I can't rec things, sorry (well, maybe except lurking on elisi 's journal). I didn't rewatch anything either, I think I'm still in denial of Eleven's departure, lol...

Meanwhile, I did enjoy The Avengers! I have a fic:rec post somewhere on my lj - though it's mostly Stony( Steve/Tony, Captain America/Iron Man)
Nothing Thor/Loki(yet). Because I'm not into the whole "I'm adopted, so I can never deserve love, therefore I shall impede doom on everybody and feel miserable forever" angst thing. Or maybe my searching skills suck, if there's another perspective on them, I missed it.

Camping and swimming!!<3 Also, all the new crafts sound wonderful!

Jan. 26th, 2014 08:03 pm (UTC)
Re: Life is beautiful, indeed!<3

Yes, I've always found that the hardest things I've been through are the things that create the biggest perspective shifts and utimately the most powerful and positive lessons.

Yes, totally agree with you about sci-fi being about the Journey ofthe soul - the fim was Solaris and it was exactly what i needed at that moment. I'd seen it twice before, but never got all the stuff out of it that i did last year - if you've not seen it i really recommend it (the 2002 remake, not the 60s version.)

*nods* also probably slightly still in denial of 11's departure over here too. It's very sad. I need to check out elisi's posts, but i'm trying to decide whether i'm going to write my own meta on the 50th and xmas specials before i do.

Oooh, cool, thanks for the link to your fc recs. I adored Avengers too. Oh, and Thor 2 was soooooo good. <3 <3 <3.


Jan. 26th, 2014 06:10 pm (UTC)
Glad to see you again! I'm sorry 2013 was rough and I wish you all the best in the new year.
Jan. 26th, 2014 08:05 pm (UTC)
Hiya! Great to see you again too! This year will be epic, I can feel it in my bones. All the best to you too *hug*
Jan. 26th, 2014 07:40 pm (UTC)
Hello! So great to see you again! I'm so sorry 2013 wasn't good -- hoping you'll have a much better time from now on! ♥

Guitar and song writing and crafts are all awesome... what kind of textile crafts do you do btw?

Er, also: any particular kind of recs you're looking for?
Jan. 26th, 2014 08:09 pm (UTC)
Hello! Lovely to see you too. This year is going to be good. I know it ;)

I do wool based crafts, so i dye, handspin, felt, knit and weave - it's been a hobby for years and has kept me sane at times! It's just sooo relaxing.

In terms for recs, any stunning 11/River I've missed really, though any fic/vids from the Who fandom that have particularly moved or been especialy memorable to people on my flist this last year that I will have missed. Steering cear of meta at the mo wjile i decide whether to do my own on the 50th and xmas specials (when i read other people's amazing meta, it jst kind of pushes all my own original thoughts out of my brain!)
Jan. 26th, 2014 08:44 pm (UTC)
*nods* Absolutely!

Wow, that's awesome, I love wool crafts (looking at them, that is)! And it being relaxing too... makes it doubly awesome.

Will be back with some recs shortly!
Jan. 26th, 2014 09:13 pm (UTC)
As for recs, hmm -- you should check out flowsoffire's and radiolaires' journals as they are prolific and awesome, but definitely Equation Heaven Sent by flowsoffire (first time smut with added awesome) and we are full of stories to be told by radiolaires (TTotD missing scene with added awesome).

avarill and taiamu have written a lovely longfic with a little bit of everything: Moon River and darknessfactor has written fantastic fic.

Oh, and everything that came out of eleventyfest is fab!

As for vids... radiolaires has made absolutely fantastic ones andThePteryx is amazing. (Both work in meta, jsyk.)

Posting this with the caveat that I've undoubtedly forgotten a tonne of great things and that I haven't kept up with the Tumblr side of 11/River at all (or at least not the people who only use Tumblr) and that I haven't actually read all that much River/11. I know there were amazing post-NotD fics posted by Tumblr fandom, and I'd think those fics are on AO3... Um, probably. ;)

ETA: soon I'll have fixed my html hahaha

Edited at 2014-01-26 09:16 pm (UTC)
Jan. 27th, 2014 06:26 pm (UTC)
Oh wow, loads of recs, that is awesome and totaly what I was hoping for - cos you know when you're away from fandom for a whie and you know you've missed some brilliant and mving work and its such a shame not to catch up with it.

Yeah, I also lost touch with Tumbr fandom too, so anything that's on there has passed me by, but it's been ages since I've browsed AO3 for stuff, so hopefully I'l run into some good ones there.

Thank you so much for taking the time to link some of your faves! Tis much appreciated sweetie <3
Jan. 27th, 2014 09:12 pm (UTC)
Happy catching up! :D

I'd guess the AO3 River tag probably covers nearly all River fic in fandom, so there'll probably be good stuff in it quite often...

Always! <3
Jan. 26th, 2014 10:13 pm (UTC)
Hey, I've been wondering where you were--glad you're okay!

I don't know if you even remember me. I commented on one or two of your meta-reviews of Series 7, because that's when I found your journal, but since you've been away much of the intervening time, I understand if you don't recognize me.

Having an awakening through a piece of fiction is not unusual. I somewhat jokingly refer to stories as my "religion," but it's absolutely true. I kind of appreciate the fact that, unlike religious texts, they're upfront about the fact that they're made up. But that doesn't mean you can't still glean truths about the universe from them. My own sense of ethics and spirituality is very much tied to Star Wars--I'm right in the middle of a retrospective now, as a matter of fact--so I'm the last person who's going to judge you for having a revelation due to watching sci-fi. (Can't guess what your movie is though...)

You're right about continuums, I think. It's always a little rattling (to say the least!) when you can't get fulfillment or reassurance from the places you used to look. But all that means is you can be open to looking in new places and having a new outlook. I'm very much a believer in following your own path.

Welcome back to LJ, and I look forward to getting to know the new you. :)
Jan. 27th, 2014 06:39 pm (UTC)
Hello there!

I think I do remember you commenting on some of my meta - unfortunately that was when BadLifeStuff was going down around the time I was writing it, so it looks ike I'd failed to add you back as a friend, but I've remedied that now ;)

Yes, I totally get the dea of stories as religion, heh. I utterly believe that stories and TV shows/films serve the function that myth used to, they are our modern myths and a way of understanding ourselves and the world around us. (My movie was Solaris - the 2002 version - basically a huge existentialist meditation in the form of a scifi movie!).

With reference to Star Wars - yes, i totally get that! If you're interested in this type of thing, I'd really recommend a book called "The Sacred Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers" by Christopher Vogler. He basically adapts Joseph Campbell's Heroic Journey/Monomyth and explores its use in screenwriting and also as a sort of map for life. Star Wars is referenced quite a few times! But really I'd recommend it to anyone with an interest in modern TV and film as myth and storyteling as a tool for growth.

Yes! It was rattling to have my beliefs go sideways, but I'm very happy with where they are now :D

Nice to meet you again!
Jan. 28th, 2014 06:24 pm (UTC)
Just stopping by briefly to say that it's good to see you, and I hope 2014 is a good year for you! I've missed you. ♥
Jan. 28th, 2014 08:23 pm (UTC)
Aw thank you sweetie, it's good to see you too! Hopefuly 2014 will be epic ;)
Feb. 4th, 2014 07:20 am (UTC)
I love me some Thor/Loki, personally. (Much as, after eight years being called Loki by fandom friends, reading the porn is occasionally strange.) Hope this year is better.
Feb. 4th, 2014 10:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

Yeah,Thor/Loki is hot and I'mkinda obsessed with them at the mo. Saw the second film in the cinema, but can't wait til it comes out on dvd to watch!!!
Jun. 11th, 2014 01:49 pm (UTC)
I was wondering where you were. Sorry I didn't see this post earlier.
( 20 comments — speak to me, sweetie )